Ways To Stop Comparing Yourself To Others and Improve Self-Esteem

Learn how to stop comparing yourself to others and boost your self-esteem. Discover practical strategies to help you overcome comparisonitis.

Introduction:

Comparing ourselves to others is something we all do from time to time. Whether it's looking at someone's achievements, possessions, or physical appearance, we can easily fall into the trap of comparing ourselves to others. I have been through this and to be honest, not completely out yet. I am still in touch with some of my friends from school & college days and we had ambitious goals back in the day. But now in my mid-forties, I see some of them have reached new heights compared to where I am. If I say I am not affected then I will be lying. It used to get disheartening looking at some of them soaring high and living a life.

However, one of my new friends said, “Do not compare yourself to others because everyone has a different starting point. Why do you assume they did not have a struggle or they had more cushion than you? Also, did you compare yourself with the other bunch of friends who did not reach as far as you? Are you sure about your friends who have been materially successful are happier than you are?

This changed my thinking upside down and I started looking closely and objectively instead of emotionally. Some of my very successful friends decided not to have kids so they could completely focus on careers. Some had parents to support them financially so they can go to university and get ahead in the queue. Also, I noticed that some of my friends from back in the day are not enjoying similar success, although that is not directly proportionate to happiness. Now I do give credit to myself for my achievements and feel rather more confident than before. Now I meet those successful lots without any prejudice or assumptions. I see them just as my friends.

Low self-esteem is one of the most common issues that underlie the majority of emotional and mental health problems, and it is one Of the most common reasons why people seek therapy. It is a foundation from which many mental health disorders arise, including anxiety, depression, addictions, attention- deficit/hyperactivity disorder, and relationship problems. Low self-esteem has robbed countless individuals Of feeling true joy, negatively affecting virtually all aspects of life. Low self-esteem can rob us of our confidence in ourselves and our ability to feel good about who we are. It not only permeates our feelings about ourselves, but it handicaps our ability to relate to the world around us and it negatively impacts our relationships, work, attitudes, choices, physical health, and even life span. - Embrace Your Greatness: Fifty Ways to Build Unshakable Self-Esteem By Judith Belmont

Section 1: Understanding the Comparison Trap

• The Science of Comparison: Why We Compare Ourselves to Others
• The Dangers of Comparisonitis: How Comparison Damages Our Self-Esteem
  

Section 2: Tips and Strategies to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

• Practice Gratitude and Mindfulness
• Embrace Your Uniqueness
• Set Realistic Goals and Focus on Your Progress
• Limit Social Media and Negative Influences
• Surround Yourself with Supportive People
  

Section 3: How to Boost Your Self-Esteem

• Practice Self-Care and Self-Compassion
• Focus on Your Strengths and Accomplishments
• Challenge Negative Self-Talk
• Learn to Accept Compliments
• Seek Professional Help if Necessary

Section 1: Understanding the Comparison Trap

• The Science of Comparison: Why We Compare Ourselves to Others

Comparing is a natural human tendency. We use it to understand ourselves and our place in the world. When we compare ourselves to others, we try to gauge how satisfied & happy we are by social standards. However, this tendency can harm our mental health, especially when we engage in social comparison. In this case, we compare ourselves to others who we consider better or more successful than us. Research has shown that social comparison can lead to jealousy, envy, and low self-esteem. Maybe there is a small portion of this comparison that pushes us to reach higher, but it can also push us into never-ending dissatisfaction.

• The Dangers of Comparisonitis: How Comparison Damages Our Self-Esteem

Comparisonitis is a term that describes the tendency to constantly compare ourselves to others. When we engage in comparisonitis, we only focus on what we lack compared to others instead of what we have. For instance, others may have career success but no kids or family and you may have family around you. This comparison can lead to negative self-talk, feelings of inadequacy, and low self-worth. When we compare ourselves to others, we are setting ourselves up for failure because we are measuring ourselves against an ideal that may not be achievable. As I mentioned before, everyone has a different starting point and if you compare yourself from your starting point and then compare others from their starting point, you may have come a long way. I certainly did come a long way from where I started. When I moved to Canada, I started working in a factory to get going. There I heard people saying how dissatisfied they are, how they have to do this laborious job with minimum wage, and how they are stuck here. I told them, from where your dreams start is where millions dream to be and I am one of them. Somehow, I forgot what I said and started comparing myself to my friends who have been in the West for years. I could bring my family to Canada to have a better life and that also means a lot, even without hundreds of thousands in my bank account. Without some kind of help like books & articles, or discussion with friends & family, this can lead to a cycle of negative thoughts and behaviors that can be difficult to break free from. If you believe you need help, do not think too long and try to solve it yourself. It may do more harm than help.

Section 2: Tips and Strategies to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

• Practice Gratitude and Mindfulness

Practicing gratitude and mindfulness can help you focus on the present moment and appreciate what you have. When we focus on what we're grateful for, we shift our attention & thoughts away from what we lack. Besides who decides what we lack and what we have? It's a matter of perspective, right? Consider reading my article to Unlock Your Full Potential: The Surprising Connection Between Self-Help and Manifestation

Practicing gratitude and mindfulness can help us break free from the comparison trap and develop a more positive mindset towards society in general. Mindfulness can also help us become more aware of our thoughts & feelings and help us recognize when we're engaging in negative self-talk. I recommend you write your thoughts and only use a positive tone and see how it changes everything.

• Embrace Your Uniqueness

We all have unique qualities and strengths that make us who we are. We also have unique circumstances and situations and they also define who & where we are in this world. Embracing our uniqueness can help us appreciate ourselves for who we are, instead of trying to be someone else. Instead of focusing on our weaknesses or what we lack, we can focus on our strengths and accomplishments. Celebrating your success can also help us boost your self-esteem and help us develop a more positive self-image. When you start feeling positive, you will become a better version of yourself and that will positively affect your near & dear ones too. Your parents, partner, kids & friends will also see you as a better person.

• Set Realistic Goals and Focus on Your Progress

You know how easy it is to compare yourself to others, right? Well, one way to combat this is to set realistic goals and focus on your progress instead. Here's the thing, when you set goals that are achievable and realistic for you, you can measure your success by your own standards instead of comparing yourself to others. This can be really empowering because you can define what success feels like to you. It could be sending your kids to the best school, buying a house with your partner, or taking holidays with the family.

And if you focus on progress, you can celebrate your achievements. Every small victory is a step closer to your ultimate goal and something to be proud of! Celebrating your progress can help you develop a sense of accomplishment and boost your self-esteem. So instead of constantly comparing yourself to others and feeling like you don't measure up, try setting realistic goals and focusing on your progress.

• Limit Social Media and Negative Influences

I know it can be hard to see pictures of our friends, or even strangers, living seemingly perfect lives, especially when we're having a bad day or when we're going through hard times ourselves.  You open Youtube and there will advertisements of people living life like royalty. Believe me, most of them are fake & click-bait just to get your attention. And by getting your attention while you are vulnerable, it's them who are making money off you. Same thing on other social networking sites. I have seen my friends showing pictures at the airport going on holidays, pictures of fine dining food, etc. But I have heard the stories of credit card debt and cutting corners from the same people.

Social media can be a breeding ground for comparisons. It is so easy to fall into the trap of comparing ourselves to others when we are constantly bombarded with images of the seemingly perfect lives of others. We may begin to feel that we are not good enough or that we are lacking in some way compared to others. I have fallen in that trap too.

The good news is that we don't have to fall into this comparison trap now or ever. One of the best things we can do is limit our exposure to negative influences, especially on social media. This could mean unfollowing certain accounts that make us feel bad or spending less time on social media.  It is important to remember that what we see on social media does not always accurately reflect reality. People often only share the highlights of their lives, and it's easy to forget that everyone has problems and flaws, even if they don't show them on social media.

So let's take control of our social media and make sure we use it in a way that positively benefits us, not discourages us. We follow the stories that inspire and uplift us and abandon the ones that make us feel bad. Remember that we are all unique and valuable in our own way and we don't need to compare ourselves to anyone else to prove it.

• Surround Yourself with Supportive People

Have you ever noticed how the people we surround ourselves with can have a big impact on how we feel about ourselves? It's true! When we surround ourselves with supportive and positive people (books & articles), we're more likely to feel good about ourselves and less likely to engage in negative self-talk.

Think about it - if you're constantly around people who put you down or make you feel bad about yourself, it's going to be hard to maintain a positive self-image. On the other hand, when you're around people who accept you for who you are and support you in your goals and aspirations, you're more likely to feel confident and secure in yourself.

That's why it's important to choose your friends and relationships carefully. Seek out people who lift you up and make you feel good about yourself. These are the kind of people who will support you, cheer you on, and remind you of your strengths and accomplishments when you're feeling down.

So, if you're looking to boost your self-esteem, start by surrounding yourself with supportive and positive people and stay away from those who kick you when you are down. You'll be amazed at how big of a difference it can make in how you feel about yourself. Remember, you deserve to be around people who lift you up and make you feel good about yourself! The same thing can be said about books that help you build self-esteem and confidence. In fact, I have added a short list of books that I believe will help you with self-help and a positive mindset journey.

Section 3: How to Boost Your Self-Esteem

• Practice Self-Care and Self-Compassion

Taking care of yourself and treating yourself with kindness and compassion can go a long way in boosting your self-esteem. You should practice self-care activities such as getting enough sleep, eating well, exercising regularly, and engaging in hobbies or activities that bring you joy. Additionally, it's important that you practice self-compassion by being kind to yourself and forgiving yourself for mistakes or failures. Instead, learn from them. When you treat yourself with care and compassion, you send a message to your subconscious mind that you are valuable and worthy of love and respect. If you give positive messages and signs to your mind, it changes your perspective.

• Focus on Your Strengths and Accomplishments

If you focus on your strengths and accomplishments, it can help shift your mindset from one of comparison and self-doubt to one of confidence and self-assurance. I want you to take time to reflect on your past successes and the strengths that helped you achieve them. Try to make a list of your accomplishments and refer to it often when you need a reminder. By focusing on your highs, you can build a strong foundation of self-esteem and self-worth.

• Challenge Negative Self-Talk

Negative self-talk is a common barrier to self-esteem and can be difficult to overcome. However, with practice, you can learn to challenge and replace negative thoughts with positive affirmations. Start by paying attention to your self-talk and identifying negative thought patterns. Then, challenge these thoughts by questioning their accuracy and replacing them with positive affirmations. For example, if you catch yourself thinking "I'm not good enough," challenge this thought by asking yourself, "Is this really true? What evidence do I have to support this?" and then replace it with a positive affirmation such as "I am worthy and capable.". I wrote an article on a similar topic which I think will benefit you. The Power of Mindset: How Your Beliefs Determine Your Reality

• Learn to Accept Compliments

Learning to accept compliments can be a powerful way to boost your self-esteem. Many people struggle to accept compliments and instead deflect or downplay them. However, by learning to accept and internalize compliments, you can reinforce positive beliefs about yourself and build self-confidence. When someone compliments you, practice simply saying "Thank you" and allow yourself to feel proud of your accomplishments & achievements. If you have achieved them, you deserve recognition too.

• Seek Professional Help if Necessary

If you are struggling with low self-esteem and find that these strategies are not working for you, it may be helpful to seek professional help. A therapist or counselor can work with you to identify the root causes of your low self-esteem and develop personalized strategies for building self-worth and confidence. Additionally, they can provide support and guidance as you navigate the challenges of overcoming negative self-talk and comparison. Remember, if you do not come out of it soon, it can take a downward spiral and it will take even longer and harder to get back on your feet.

By implementing these strategies, you can take important steps towards boosting your self-esteem and breaking free from the comparison trap like I did when I was in the same trap. Remember, building self-esteem is a journey, it's not just a change in habit, it's a change in lifestyle. It takes time and effort to develop healthy beliefs about yourself. Be patient, kind, and compassionate with yourself along the way.

Conclusion:

In conclusion, comparing ourselves to others can be a damaging habit that can lead to feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem. However, by practicing gratitude and mindfulness, embracing our uniqueness, setting realistic goals, limiting negative influences, and surrounding ourselves with supportive people, we can break free from the comparison trap and develop a more positive self-image. By boosting our self-esteem through self-care, self-compassion, and celebrating our achievements, we can develop a healthier relationship with ourselves and lead a more fulfilling life. Remember, you are unique and worthy of love and success, and comparing yourself to others only detracts from your own journey. Embrace your individuality and focus on your own progress and accomplishments, and you will find the confidence and self-worth you need to achieve your goals.

Action Items:

1. Practice gratitude daily by writing down three things you're thankful for.
2. When you catch yourself comparing yourself to others, take a deep breath and refocus your attention on your own progress and accomplishments.
3. Surround yourself with positive influences, such as supportive friends and family, and limit your exposure to negative social media and other sources of comparison.
4. Embrace your uniqueness and focus on your own strengths and abilities.
5. Seek professional help if you're struggling with low self-esteem and negative self-talk.

FAQs:

Q: Is it normal to compare me to others?

A: Yes, it's a common human tendency to compare ourselves to others. However, it's important to recognize when this habit is becoming harmful and take steps to break free from the comparison trap.

Q: How can I stop comparing myself to others on social media?

A: You can limit your exposure to social media or unfollow accounts that trigger negative comparisons. It's also important to remember that social media often presents an idealized version of people's lives and is not an accurate reflection of reality.

Q: What if I struggle with self-esteem despite my efforts to stop comparing myself to others?

A: Seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor can be beneficial in developing healthy self-esteem and overcoming negative self-talk.

Books to Read:

1. "The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem" by Nathaniel Branden - This book is a classic in the field of self-esteem and has helped many people improve their self-esteem and confidence.
2. "The Gifts of Imperfection" by Brené Brown - Brené Brown is a well-known author and speaker who focuses on topics like shame, vulnerability, and self-acceptance. This book is a great resource for anyone looking to let go of comparisons and embrace their authentic selves.
3. "Mindset: The New Psychology of Success" by Carol S. Dweck - This book explores the concept of a growth mindset vs. a fixed mindset and how our beliefs about our abilities can impact our self-esteem and success.
4. "Daring Greatly" by Brené Brown - Another popular book by Brené Brown, "Daring Greatly" focuses on the importance of vulnerability and taking risks in order to live a fulfilling life.

Links for books from https://www.goodreads.com

References:

1. Neff, K. (2011). Self-compassion: Stop Beating Yourself Up and Leave Insecurity Behind. HarperCollins.
2. Burns, D. D. (1999). Feeling good: The new mood therapy. New York: Avon Books.
3. Sood, A. (2016). The Mayo Clinic Guide to Stress-Free Living. Da Capo Lifelong Books.
4. Tolle, E. (2004). The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment. New World Library.
5. Gilbert, P. (2009). The Compassionate Mind: A New Approach to Life's Challenges. New Harbinger Publications.
6. Kernis, M. H. (2003). Toward a conceptualization of optimal self-esteem. Psychological Inquiry, 14(1), 1-26.Author.
7. Judith Belmont (2019). Embrace Your Greatness: Fifty Ways to Build Unshakable Self-Esteem.

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